He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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