the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
