The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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