I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
