ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
