you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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