Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
