My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
