Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
