its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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