I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
