I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
