so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
