Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
