I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
