Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
