i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
