I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
