Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
