she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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