What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
