You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
