He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Please don't give away my fajitas
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
