so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
