mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
