Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
