wrigley field is MILF paradise
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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