she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
