I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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