I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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