I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
