I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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