Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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