I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
