Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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