Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
