Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
