Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
