we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
