On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The air was thick with penises
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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