All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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