ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
