Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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