I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
smell my finger.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
