GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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