Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
