I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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