gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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