I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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