can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
