He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
