And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
