your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
