everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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